A guy tries to convince his father to move into a mausoleum with him
…Despite the fact that our economy is as gutted as a Santeria sacrifice, rents remain stubbornly high. From a cost-per-square-foot perspective, my mausoleum is competitive with even modestly priced studios in this neighborhood, but without the headache of rent hikes or property taxes. I know what you’re thinking; what about resale value? Don’t worry, Dad, that base is covered. The lady at the sales office informs me that within five years, Glowing Fawn will reach full capacity. Full capacity! Which means the next time a local family balks at schlepping two hours to some sterile, exurban burial-mart where grandpa will be dispatched to his remote plot with Costco-like efficiency, I get to name my price. Not that I have any urge to cash out. I’ve finally managed to find a home for myself—in this life and beyond—with room to accommodate my entire family. With room, in fact, for you, Dad.
For McSweeney’s Internet Tendency